My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
