I want to make a zoo with you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
