i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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