I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
