i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize