At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
