I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
