I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said her name was "party"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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