New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
