So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
