I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
