just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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