when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
