mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
