i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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