Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
bring money and cleavage
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
