'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
