I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
