Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
PANTIES FOUND
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
