They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
