the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
