are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
