At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
