we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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