Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
