paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jerry, you need to find god
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
