Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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