you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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