i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
