I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
nutella sex= disaster
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize