You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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