i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
