So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
