After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize