hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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