i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
