well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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