I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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