I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
