am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
