It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
