Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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