i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
