New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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