Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
