I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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