y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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