Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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