Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
