i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
