her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
