girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
