New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
