Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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