My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
