All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
