i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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