You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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