and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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