Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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