Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize