it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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