Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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