Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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