We're like a lot better than the average bears
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
